closing my eyes - realization

      I was daydreaming during mass that it HIT me, the reasons why I tend to close my eyes; not the normal closing of the eyes but the conscious and direct black out of my panoramic view.

    It has been my response to certain things for many years, not really knowing the reason behind the reaction since I really haven’t thought about it much. I was not inclined to think of such things before; I tried to suppress those thoughts and images.

    But I’m trying to understand myself more and this is one aspect of my life that is also a part of being who I am. I need to accept the fact that this is one step of improving myself, knowing my limitations and also my possibilities.

I close my eyes in an attempt to hinder my vision from seeing the truth, things that would haunt me even until the end of my life. Sometimes I’m afraid to accept that reality is harsh upon those who are not ready to acknowledge it.

    I tend to block my senses so that I would not be thwarted by what I’m seeing/hearing for the reasons that I may be ashamed of what I’m seeing and fearing what I’m hearing. It’s like my defense mechanism towards things that seemingly try to put ruptures in my life. Things that cause me to think and reflect that would eventually lead to either a challenge to face reality or an obstacle to your comfort zone. Call me a coward if you want because I am one, but I am also just human who also fears uncertainty.

    Blocking your senses to hide from the truth is like attempting to impede the self from reality itself thus rendering you to isolate yourself from actuality. All you feel is the isolation of emptiness which for some people gives them comfort and peace. Free from all the harsh things in life, a form of running away from reality.